Paralysis of the Mind

Al Franken and company are starting a liberal radio network today (Air America) which is available in a few major cities, on XM, and streaming internet media (coming soon, we'll see how how that works once it's up).

I linked it over yonder, if you're interested.

I haven't blogged recently because hey, I'm a busy guy! Plus, my favorite troll was having SUCH a good time hitting control-V that I simply didn't want to confuse him by adding any new posts (but Gordon, if you're reading, go ahead. I dig 20-30 comments at a time. You still haven't told me anything yet, either, in regards to our battle...)

With any luck, the "O'Franken Factor" will draw listeners and lawsuits... personally, I've read all of Franken's work, and I find the books extremely amusing and surprisingly fact-based (as opposed to say, anything Coulter, Hannity, or O'Reilly have ever produced) and there's no doubt his radio show will be more of the same. I caught Franken on Howard Stern the other morning (yes, I'm guilty of occasional Stern, even if I tend not to like or agree with him) arguing with Scott (the engineer, I think), and Scott just got crushed by the iron will of Franken's facts, and at the end admitted he'd probably listen to the show, much to the delight of Robin and Howard.

Yes, I'd pay to see a PPV between Al Franken and Rush Limbaugh, just to see Limbaugh sweat. :)

Oh yeah, and baseball started. In Japan. Whoopie. Wake me when they play in America, k?

Welcome to the new column here at POTM.

This is an idea I've had for a while, and I've decided to actually do a little research on major journalists of our time and see exactly how good or bad they are. Yes, I'm a journalist, better yet, I'm a journalism dork, and there are just too many times I read the paper and I groan. Loudly. There's biased reporting everywhere, misuse and blatant twisting of facts all over the place, and an overall degradation of the profession.

Now, I go into this saying I'm not the end-all be-all of reporting, but often I find myself reading a particular writer and thinking, "She did this in her last story, didn't anyone say anything to her?" The answer, sadly, is usually no. And the mistakes repeat.

The only rule I have to this is that I'm going to avoid talking heads and columnists, in general. Opinion writers/speakers have a great leeway, and

This week's victim: Nedra Pickler, AP Reporter.

Background: Miss Pickler is a political reporter, and appears at this point to be covering the Kerry campaign for the AP. As befits a veteran reporter, she landed this plum job, and generally files a story a day.

If you want a few samples of her work, please read here or there

Her crime? Well, she doesn't seem to care for Kerry very much. This actually isn't a crime, it's probably a good thing in some ways (liking a subject too much leads to really shoddy journalism) but in other ways, she tends to exaggerate. Example:

In the story "here" from above, she recently wrote about Kerry meeting with Dean to discuss campaign fundraising, and her story was written as a "it's a good thing and a bad thing" angle, but she this is her lead: WASHINGTON (AP) - Democrat John Kerry has asked former archrival Howard Dean to bring his voice, fund-raising prowess and followers to the cause of beating President Bush, but the outspoken Dean also could bring the kind of controversy that contributed to the freefall of his own campaign.

Great! Up until the last five words. Free fall of his campaign? That's some pretty shabby exaggeration, right in the lead, where, as journalism standards dictate, the most important information is supposed to go.

One can argue that Kerry's poll numbers have slipped somewhat due to various factors (Nader's entry, Bush's TV spots) but freefall is a overly powerful word for the ups and downs of this early season political race. Furthermore, "of his own campaign" makes no sense. If it's a drop in polling numbers, say so, but otherwise, Miss Pickler is suggesting everyone in Kerry's campaign has fallen off a cliff.

To continue further in the article: Dean's eagerness to go on the attack was part of the draw for the Kerry campaign. The one-time candidate can criticize the president in tougher terms than Kerry, who is trying to appear presidential and above the fray.

Okay.... and?

Republicans have questioned whether Dean will be an asset. White House political strategist Karl Rove told conservative activists Wednesday that Kerry hurt himself by teaming up with Dean because Dean's criticism of the Iraq War is out of step with most Americans.

Nevertheless, Dean stands with the presumptive nominee.

Nevertheless? Dean is a controversial guy. Everyone knows it. I'm starting to think the media just has it out for this guy to begin with... but really, he said during his campaign consistently that Bush was his main target, not the other Democrats. Pickler sets it up that it's unbelieveable that wacky Dean character could *possibly* stay in his own party. It might just be a poor word choice, but I'm not convinced. There are some Republicans in Congress who don't believe in the anti-gay rights proposals, but no one will be shocked if they come out backing Bush. Miss Pickler would not say, "Nevertheless, Guvenator Ahhnold will back Bush," because that's ridiculous, of course he will. He's the party's nominee.

Also, Karl Rove talking to conservative activists is not quote worthy. It's a process called "reinforcement " Obviously Rove isn't going to speak to his strongest supporters and say "Boy, that war is a mess. And how about those Democrats? Wow, we're really gettin' our ass beat!" He's going to tell those activists that everything is going swimmingly, the other side couldn't be more clueless, and that they (the activists) should work double time to keep plugging away.

I'm mentioning one article here. But read Miss Pickler, and you'll see she goes for the homerun with her adverbs, and isn't content for the simple, and less biased single. She also "broke" the story about John Kerry and the supposed affair, a story which after a day of review turned out to be absolutely nothing but smoke and vapors. Censure? Retraction? Nah, just a silent rebuttal from Pickler, who will gladly break anything else tossed her way.

Nedra Pickler, how the hell do you keep your job?

But hey, if anyone I don't know actually reads this, please, come fill out a bracket with my friends and I.

Go to: Yahoo Fantasy NCAA Tournament

Sign up for a Yahoo ID if you don't have one. Once you're signed in under your name, get a pickset. Once you create one, click to join a group, and join:

League ID#: 66819
password: 123123

Come on and play! We're always welcoming more entries!

Tomorrow, I may actually blog (word!)

Phew. Blogging is an expensive habit, at least in terms of time.

This is required to click on: Red Swingline Stapler

If you don't get it, you really need to watch Comedy Central more. :)

Grand Theft America

Give it time to load, cause its worth watching, if even just for the music. I knew I irrationally disliked Katherine Harris for a reason in 2000...

God save us all indeed.

Also, a nice report that will be seen in the rest of the world from the Asian Times. Bush Isn't Telling You Everything

Maybe some of the media is starting to grow their balls back? This is a very sober, very well-researched look into the things that Bush lied about told Tim Russert in that interview a few weeks back. Unsurprisingly, most of them untrue.

And from the Letters page from the NY Times:

To the Editor:

Re "Kerry and Dean, All Forgiven, Join to Unseat a Common Foe" (front page, March 11):

In my judgment, the single most important problem America faces appears in the middle of the article. You report that John Kerry said, referring to his Republican critics, "These are the most crooked, you know, lying group I've ever seen, it's scary."

That is exactly the way I have felt for some time, and I am a fourth-generation registered Republican.

I am not accustomed to Republican presidents running record deficits and making up stories about nukes and chemical and biological weapons to justify starting a needless war.

I am 72. I am appalled at the reality of the Medicare bill that's supposed to be so great for us geezers. I am a grandfather. I am not impressed with the clandestine refusal to finance child education.

I could go on, but the point is that John Kerry is right. It is scary. It's very scary.

ROLON W. REED
Mount Dora, Fla., March 11, 2004

Have mercy!

The anti-Karl Rove pill is here, and it's name is D-Bunker

I like it already. The GOP might have an edge in creating public opinion out of thin air, but the Democratic side seems to have a big advantage in cyberspace, and the people running the Kerry site(s) have a much better grasp on HTML and what the people want than the Bush people do.

Think I kid? Check this out. You can make any sign you want. A few favorites I've seen:

"Four More Wars"
"Screw the Poor"
"Halliburton Owns Us"

Counterspin is back from vacation. He's awesome, read him ASAP. Oh, and the Hot Ambercrombie Chick is running for President. All you libertarians, jine up while the gettin' is good...

Also, I post as PSU Intermural SOCCER CHAMPION!! Whoo!!! Tonight we defeated Strikers 2-1 to take the title and win our big prize... yes, that's right... shirts that say we won! Whooo again!!! As captain and manager, I take full credit for all victories... :)

Here is the transcript for the 2004 baseball season. This is the longest post in the world, I admit it, but if you like it, let me know. This came from a discussion I was having with another fan.

A 2004 Diary:

March 12th - George Steinbrenner, looking to open the farm system after years of Yankee neglect, buys Malaysia. Bud Selig approves.

March 13th - Steinbrenner, unhappy with Malaysia, buys Canada, and forces Eric Gagne to relocate to New York. In exchange, he lets Rupert Murdoch broadcast pro-Nazi speeches on YES.

March 15th - The dream ends for the Tigers, as they are eliminated from playoff contention.

March 17th - Bret Boone's season comes to an end as a jealous Aaron Boone runs him over with his car. Undaunted, the Mariners - looking to emulate the Yankees - inquire about the availability of Albert Pujols, and offer to move Jamie Moyer to second.

March 18th - The Expos sign to play 4 games in August in Japan. Frank Robinson shrugs.

March 20th - The Mets sign Albert Belle to a 10-year 185-million dollar deal, saying his recover is "just around the corner"

March 25th - Fearing he doesn't have enough centerfielders, George Steinbrenner buys Johnny Damon, Mike Cameron and inquires about the status of Joe Dimaggio.

March 26th - Jason Giambi admits, on national TV, that he has lost 22 pounds eating the Zone diet.

March 28th - The Pirates fall out of Wild Card contention.

March 31st - Dick Cheney throws out the first ball in Baltimore, suffers a massive heart attack and dies. In New York, John Kerry is asked to throw out the first pitch at the Mets opener. He does, nailing a stunned Mike Piazza in the nuts and then runs in from the mound and kicks him over and over screaming "Republican scum!" Kerry's approval rating jumps 18%.

April 1st - The Devil Rays lose their first game, and Lou Piniella admits that the playoff dream is over.

April 2nd - The Expos open the season in San Juan, beating Atlanta 6-2. In celebration, Bud Selig schedules the Expos to play 8 games in Australia.

April 3rd - Kevin Brown, 1 out away from a perfect game, throws his wicked splitter, however, in mid-pitch, his groin pops out of his body and lands halfway between the mound and home. Steinbrenner immediately drops him and offers to buy the A's starting rotation.

April 9th - The Yankees break the all-time record for runs in a season with 1,077.

April 10th - To help their struggling season, the Mets sign Bo Jackson to a lifetime 8-million a year contract.

April 15th - Pudge Rodriguez commits suicide as the Tigers start the season 0-14.

April 16th - Terrell Owens is traded to the Reds. He immediately files a grievience.

April 20th - David Wells pitches a perfect game. Later, scandal erupts as it is learned that Ryan Klesko smuggled in 3 bottles of tequila to make sure Wells was good and drunk while pitching. Bud Selig demands testing for alcohol.

April 21st - The Players Union, reacting to Selig's request for alcohol testing, votes to make cocaine use in the dugout legal.

April 23rd - Bobby Higginson is found dead in his bathroom, an apparent suicide. No note, but on the sink was the day's sports page: "Tigers, will they ever win?"

April 30th - Jeff Weaver pitches a perfect game, bringing his season record to 7-0, with a 0.41 ERA. According to new Dodgers GM Paul DePodesta, the trick was convincing Weaver that he did not live in the 2nd biggest city in the country by setting up housing for him under the stadium.

May 1st - Pedro Martinez is found beaten in a Boston alleyway. Don Zimmer checks into a Tampa hospital with an unknown hand injury the next morning.

May 7th - The dream dies for the Mariners, Indians, White Sox, Blue Jays, Mets and Diamondbacks. Derek Jeter makes his first error of the season, and is nearly stoned to death.

May 8th - The Expos win 7-4 over the Mets. In celebration, Bud Selig signs them up for 6 games in China.

May 9th - Jason Giambi, now weighing 200 pounds, admits he has lost 65 pounds on the South Beach Diet.

May 12th - Kevin Brown, with a surgically repaired elastic rubber band groin, throws out his shoulder and is forced to amputate his arm.

May 14th - To turn the tide of the season, the Mets sign Darren Dreifort, Jaret Wright, and the newly free Kevin Brown in hopes that they can "make the season without being injured."

May 19th - The Expos crush the Astros 12-1 in San Juan, prompting Bud Selig to schedule a 3 and 3 homestand in Iraq and Afghanistan.

May 21st - To stem the tide of bad publicity, Barry Bonds agrees to take a drug test. Unfortunately, his neon blue urine burns through the sample cup, the lineoleum floor, and is lost somewhere underground.

May 22nd - Jeff Weaver no-hits the Yankees in Yankee Stadium, running his record to 16-0 with 250 strikeouts and an ERA of 0.40.

May 24th - Pedro Martinez, fresh out of the hospital, catches a cold. Boston is gripped in panic. John Kerry soothes the city by bringing an ailing Pedro DayQuil and ginger ale. Kerry's approval rating goes up 10 percent in the Northeast.

May 25th - Jeremy Bonderman, considered one of the few bright spots on the Tiger team, disappears. Gary Condit and OJ Simpson are called in to investigate.

May 30th - The Mets acquire Terrell Owens. His agent is quoted as saying, "This should be a good move for TO."

June 2nd - Unable to get any headlines despite being in first place in the AL East, the Orioles hire Carmen Electra to strip between innings. Unfortunately, new husband Dave Navarro is jealous, and kills Miguel Tejada for looking at her with both pupils at once, thus ending the reign of the Orioles.

June 8th - George Bush's new ad campaign a success, John Kerry tries one of his own. "Would YOU trust a man who traded away Sammy Sosa for two minor leaguers?" Kerry's approval ratings skyrocket.

June 12th - In financial straits, Mike Illich sells the Tigers to Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron. In his first press conference, Lay refuses to back down from his assertion that the Tigers are 66-30, even though their record is 8-88. George Bush offers Lay a pardon and even offers to see if he can't fix up Detroit's record.

June 14th - In the decisive third game in a three game series, in Boston, against the Yankees, Manny Ramirez crushes a massive homerun over the Monster to take the game 2-1. The win moves Boston into a tie for first with the Yankees, and also causes any objects placed between Red Sox and Yankee fans to spontanously combust.

June 15th - In front of 6 Iraqi spectators, and 45,000 armed guards, the Expos finish their Iraq homestand by losing to the Yankees 4-1. With such success, Bud Selig happily announces that in conjunction with President Bush's new space inititive, the Expos will play 3 games on the moon in August.

June 19th - The world is rocked as Osama bin Laden is found, and admits to having spent the past 2 years inside Olympic Stadium, considering it to be one of the best hiding places in the world. Bush's popularity skyrockets, and in an oft-repeated TV moment, screams, "We is the bestest country at finding people who don't want to be finded in the world!"

June 28th - George Steinbrenner, offended by having lost 2 games in a row, attempts to buy the National League. When told that it isn't possible, Steinbrenner has a fit and fires Joe Torre, Brian Cashman, and Donald Trump.

June 29th - Trump, suddenly realizing that Steinbrenner can't fire him, goes back to work. Oh, and the Giants, Marlins, and Orioles are eliminated from the postseason.

July 3rd - All-star game. Jeff Weaver becomes the first pitcher to go 9 innings, striking out 19 and giving up one hit to a svelte Jason Giambi. Sadly, Sidney "Big Game" Ponson doesn't live up to his name, giving up 14 singles and 8 runs in the first 2 innings. "I thought I was pitching for the Giants again," said a clearly upset Ponson after taking the loss...

July 4th - While America celebrates its independence by hanging bin Laden by his toes from the Sears Tower, Jason Giambi appears on Oprah and credits his 110 pound loss to a steady exercise program and Dr. Atkins.

July 9th - Sammy Sosa breaks a bat, and is revealed to be using a wooden-covered titanium stick instead of proper wood. He seems shocked, and blames a "vast right-wing conspiracy"

July 11th - After losing his 40th game in 2 seasons, Mike Maroth takes a long walk off a short pier. The Mets immediately buy his contract.

July 25th - The Twins owner Carl Pohlad, seizing opportunity, uses the trade deadline to sell his entire team to the Yankees. He immediately petitions Bud Selig for more revenue sharing.

July 26th - Reeling from the Yankees big buys, the Red Sox add quality relievers Damaso Marte and Jung Bong. Realizing that they needed another good name, the Sox also pick up Stubby Clapp and option Wily Mo Pena.

July 27th - Furious that the Red Sox are allowed to buy players, Steinbrenner, now coach/GM/owner/travel secretary, buys rights all of Latin America, raising his payroll to 423.25 billion dollars.

July 28th - In continuing oneupsmanship, the Red Sox add Randy Johnson to their rotation.

July 29th - In a fit of rage, Steinbrenner taps Reggie Jackson to come out of retirement.

July 30th - The Red Sox reveal their experiments have worked and add Ted Williams 2 as their new DH.

July 31st - In a flurry of activity, the Yankees reveal that Jesus is their new second baseman. "We called Mel Gibson up," says a clearly relieved Steinbrenner, "And he said he could get the deal done." However, as their elation fades, the Red Sox reveal, just moments before the trade deadline, that they have come to contract terms with Voltron.

August 1st - Voltron goes 5 for 5 with 5 homeruns, 16 RBI, and displays a powerful throwing arm by releasing the Green Lion to behead Vernon Wells while Wells tried to score from third on a single.

August 2nd - Jesus's first game back reveals a glaring weakness: he is unable to hit. "I just don't feel as though I should hurt the ball," says Jesus in his post-game press conference. "My message is of peace, not one of blind hatred." An angry Steinbrenner refuses to comment.

August 18th - The logistics came out, and in the first ever baseball game not on Earth, the Expos Nick Johnson hits a 44,517 foot home run to set a new record, as the Expos defeat the Pirates 177-142. Selig announces that the moon game was just a warm up for MLB's biggest showcase of all time: the Expos final homestand in September will be played on Mars.

August 20th - The Tigers break the 1,000 mark in attendance. Kenneth Lay praises the "Five million strong that have come through the gates this season to see our winning product." Martha Stewart is hired to "fancy up" Comerica Park.

August 28th - Carl Pohlad suddenly realizes that his Twins are in contention for a playoff spot, despite his selling of his entire major league team. In a drastic cost-cutting procedure he assures the public is necessary, he hires 25 teenagers at minimum wage to be the new team. Said new second baseman, Zak Bronsen, 16 from Minneapolis, "This sure beats the hell out of McDonalds." Polhad claims even the 425 dollars he has to spend on salaries will bankrupt the team, and asks for more revenue sharing at all costs.

August 31st - In a bold move, the Mets sign Grant Hill to a 100 million dollar deal.

September 3rd - The Yankees beat the Red Sox 6-5 in extra innings, drawing the team into another tie atop the AL East. Bridgeport CN bursts into sudden flames due to hatred.

September 8th - Jeff Nelson kills a ground crew worker when the worker breathes too heavily. In related news, Don Zimmer is found brutally beaten in a Boston alleyway wearing a Red Sox hat.

September 9th - Voltron hits his 157th home run, crediting to a little boy who has cancer and asked him to "hit it extra far." Ted Williams 2 continues to hit over .500.

September 17th - The Padres clinch the NL West. The Cubs clinch the Central. The Phillies win the East. Despite now fielding a team of 8 fourteen-year-old girls, 3 crippled war veterans, 5 boys with Down's Syndrome, 2 mentally challenged boys named "Rudy", 2 blind men, and 5 illegally unpaid illegal immigrants, the Twins clinch the AL central despite being 8 games under .500. Pohlad demands more revenue sharing at once.

September 21st - The Oakland A's win the AL West. Billy Beane is praised for putting together a top-notch squad despite having a $14.50 payroll, but most pundits agree that the mid-August beheading of Vladimir Guerrero and Troy Glaus by Voltron while attempting to steal bases was the real reason for the A's defeating the Angels.

September 25th - The Yankees defeat the Tigers 84-1. With the victory, they clinch the division title. The Red Sox settle for the Wild Card, despite winning 114 games.

September 29th - In the final game of the season, the Expos, in front of 4 martians, defeat the Braves 3,456-3,201 to win the Wild Card. Coverage is broadcast back to Earth by the Mars Rovers. Despite the playoff berth and the success of off-planet games, Bud Selig decides to fold the Expos and leave them on Mars, thus leading to the now famous exchange between Expos coach Frank Robinson and NASA mission control:
Frank Robinson: "Uhm, Houston, we have a problem. Our rocket just left us here."
Houston: "Really?"
FR: "Look, we really want to get home. We have no food, no shelter, and we're gonna run out of oxygen within a few hours."
H: "Hey, good luck with that. You guys are good with adversity."

October 2nd - The postseason begins. Due to the Expos folding, the Cubs get a first round bye. The Padres beat the Phillies. The Yankees top the A's. The Red Sox, though, lose by 20 runs to the Twins, behind the solid performance of 28 year old pitcher Shawn Pepper, who is blind in both eyes. "I wasn't really seeing the plate too well today," said Pepper, "But I could really hear how my curve ball was working." Even Voltron was flummoxed, going 4-5 with 15 RBI. "In this time of great change, we will prevail no matter what obstacles," said Voltron.

October 5th - The Yankees, Padres, and Cubs are through to the championship series. Amazingly, the Red Sox lose the first two games of the series, come back to win Game 3 30-29 in 18 innings, prompting a 68% increase in heart attacks across New England.

October 6th - The Red Sox win Game 4 33-32 in 22 innings, killing off all New Englanders over the age of 70.

October 7th - Triumph! Behind Voltron's 6-6 22 RBI performance, the Red Sox finally put away the Twins 28-7. Carl Polhad immediately blasts Bud Selig for not providing him enough money to compete with the bigger teams.

October 8th - Between playoff games, Jason Giambi goes on the View and admits that his 164 pound weight loss has been a controlled liquid diet.

October 9th - The Cubs and Padres play. The media refuses to pay attention, pointing to New York. The Sox-Yanks series gets off to an ugly start as Don Zimmer flies into the stadium during the National Anthem with Fanman's fan and slugs Pedro Martinez in the face. In retaliation, Curt Schilling throws George Steinbrenner to the ground. Yankees win 7-6.

October 10th - Using a clever strategy devised by noted pitching experts Dusty Baker and Grady Little, Mark Prior, the winning starter in Game 1, starts Game 2. He goes 7, and the Cubs win again.

October 11th - George Steinbrenner pinch-hits Reggie Jackson for a slumping Bernie Williams, and he hits what looks to be a towering homerun, but Voltron flies up to make a simple catch. Stunned, Jackson charges Pedro Martinez, but the Red Sox win.

October 12th - Prior starts, but struggles through 6 innings, having pitched 16 innings in the 3 previous days. Padres win. In the AL, Derek Lowe loses control of a sinker and hits Jorge Posada in the foot accidentally. Stunned, he throws his bat at Pedro but accidently hits a charging Don Zimmer and kills him. Red Sox win.

October 13th - Prior pitches a magical complete game shutout, raising his inning total to 31 for the 4 games. Baker and Little agree it's a good performance, but Baker says, "I was sort of hoping the game would go to extra innings. Prior looked a little rusty out there tonight."

October 14th - On a bang-bang double play, Enrique Wilson accidently hits Manny Ramirez with his throw. Stunned, Ramirez storms toward Roger Clemens. Unfortunately, Clemens is home in Texas, so Ramirez leaves the stadium and does not return. Yankees win. In the NL, the Cubs are crowned as Mark Prior goes 11 innings to defeat the Padres. In hopes that Prior's arm stays fresh, Dusty Baker decides to have Prior throw 12 innings a day between games.

October 15th - Pedro loses control and hits Enrique Wilson with a pitch. Stunned, Pedro charges himself and throws himself to the ground. However, in a stunning turn of events, Reggie Jackson is killed in the outfield by Jeff Nelson for making too much noise while running down a flyball. Yankees win.

October 16th - Roger Clemens is found dead at his home in Texas. Manny Ramirez is missing. Luckily, the Ramsey family of Colorado agrees to look for him, along with OJ and Gary Condit.

October 17th - Curt Schilling throws the first pitch into Derek Jeter's arm. Stunned, Jeter charges A-Rod, who charges Jesus, who lets himself be mauled in the brawl. "Hey," says Jesus afterward, "It wasn't as bad as what Mel put me through." The Red Sox win to force a Game 7.

October 18th - No beanballs. No crazy wacky crap. The Red Sox win the game, causing 14 million New Yorkers to jump off tall buildings.

October 25th - Game 7, the World Series, Cubs and Red Sox, the dream World Series. Mark Prior has thrown an incredible 52 innings, starting all 7 games, Voltron has 40 homers. Yet in Game 7, no one can score. Into extra innings... nothing. Neither team can push a run across. Even Voltron has struck out 10 times. As each team comes to bat, earthquakes roll across the Earth. When Corey Patterson of the Cubs hits a triple in the 18th inning, beasts lie in the field with men and the skies turn red. Black becomes white when Trot Nixon doubles in the 23rd. Choirs of angels shriek in agony when a tired Prior gives up a deep flyball to Voltron, but Sammy Sosa uses a pair of corked shoes to leap in the air to make the catch.

Suddenly, in the sky, there is a great burst of noise and light. The game, now in the 28th inning, stops for a second, and a giant rocket falls in the middle of the stadium, causing massive expolosions and killing all players and spectators.

Frank Robinson clambers out of the rocket, blinks, and cracks his neck. In the confusion, Major League Baseball, decides to go the easy way and declares the Expos world champions. Frank Robinson is both manager of the year and rocket scientist of the year.

Thus ends the 2004 season, as I see it. Go Expos! :)

Two in one day. I'm an animal. But really, don't read me: Read Jimmy Breslin

One word: Damn! I've rarely seen someone skewered quite so well.

Newsday is about to attain bell-ringing status in the liberal movement... wah!

Sorry I can't find my way to blogging anymore. I'm going to turn into one of those personal bloggers that posts once a year or so. It's hard between classes, working, my girlfriend (who I'm pretty sure I saw for 10 minutes this entire week), and givin the preznit his turkee.

Anyway, I departed from baseball to talk about something that happened in one of my classes yesterday. The class is "Literary Journalism" which focuses on non-traditional journalism (new, gonzo, personal... stuff like that) which is basically narratives told in a journalistic style. It's a fun class to write for because I get a chance to put myself in things, and I don't have to "he said, she said, they did" every story like I do typically in writing for the paper. A nice departure, anyway...

We were going over our first draft of our first story. We all have to edit the papers (this is sorta a sucky assignment, I felt like a grade-school teacher) and then in class make comments to our fellow students. The teacher makes her own comments, and she leads the discussion somewhat, but prefers to let the students have their say. The first story was supposed to be about an event, most people chose personal stuff (I, of course, chose Game 7 betwixt the Yanks and Sawx, ever the glutton for punishment that I am) and some of the stories were pretty good, some were faintly skanky. But we finally had wound down to the last 2 stories to go, mine, and another student named Robert.

Robert's story came up for critique, and because I have a big loud mouth, I started. Even when I think a story really sucks, I don't say it, mostly because a) I don't typically have the heart to be really mean and b) it's my opinion, and not everyone else wants to hear it. Plus, I would expect the same courtesy from others. I mentioned that he wrote very long, compound-complex sentences that were difficult to follow. (Coming from me, of course, the king of gramatically correct compound-compound-complex sentences is a little ridiculous, but he doesn't have to read my blog to know this... heh...) I said that I'd had trouble getting the meaning of some things he was saying, and a few other kids in the class agreed with me, as did the teacher.

And that's where the trouble started. His face immediately got red, and we went into a defensive mode I haven't seen since the last time I watched Bill O'Reilly defend an utterly ridiculous point. He refused to take any sort of direction from anyone (teacher included) and simply kept flustering and defending, and honestly, made a bit of a fool of himself. Eventually, the teacher just dropped the effort and went on to my story review.

At first I thought he was really ridiculous. I left sort of annoyed by his inability to take criticism, but then I thought about it for a bit, and I started to feel for him. Quite a bit, actually.

Writing is a very personal and subjective thing. People mostly write for themselves, and occasionally let the public in. Those who write for public consumption, via blogs, authors, or even those who comment on other blogs, open themselves up for criticism, even if they're not actively thinking of writing in those terms. If you go around and read personal blogs (I do sometimes) you can see such personal things written, stuff a lot of people would never share. And perhaps no one reads the blog but the writer... but it's still in the public eye.

In that vein, it's hard to take serious criticism from outside sources when something that you personally created is taking it. I wrote a column for the school paper for many years, and I remember how I felt taking criticism at first. Over time I have become a lot better at it. But that's after years of taking lumps - some were definitely nasty.

Many helped me become a better writer, though, which is the side of criticism that is really hard to see. My girlfriend is a grammar nazi of the highest order, but her carping on my grammar probably improved it a lot over the last 2 years. I have a lot of English-major friends, and their criticism improved other aspects of my writing. Writing to yourself is a great way to express yourself, but it isn't necessarily going to improve your writing skills unless you let a few other people look at it. Fact is, other people will see things from an entirely different angle than you will, and might see things that you, in the midst of your own midset, may miss. It's a very valuable tool for a writer.

I hope Robert figures that out. He seems like an okay guy, and his writing wasn't awful by any stretch. He's not the only person I know who can't accept criticism, either, but it's really difficult to watch another person struggle with something like that. It isn't easy, but it can lead to great benefit... even if it makes you want to squirm or punch someone else in the face... :)

So now, you can comment and criticize. See? I'm open to criticism!*

*- No I'm not.

First, who's close:

Texas (No A-rod, but Soriano and emerging stars could lead to a big hitting season)
KC (Add Juan Gon - who I believe in, even if no one else does - and Beltran's in a contract year)
Toronto (Vernon Wells and Carlos Delgado might put down 250 RBI just between the 2 of 'em)
San Diego (Nevin, Hernandez, Giles, Klesko... Burroughs?)

5. Colorado Rockies

Last Year OPS: .790 (6th)
Big sticks: Preston Wilson, Todd Helton
Big questions: Vinny Castilla, Larry Walker, Jeromy Burnitz

A slight advantage here, of course, hitting out of Coors Field. (And Shawn Estest thinks he can revive his career here? Is he %^*#@ mad?) But even without the thin air, this lineup is pretty potent. Wilson, Walker, Helton, Castilla, and Burnitz are a pretty ugly lineup from a pitcher's standpoint, provided that the questions can hit like they have been able to in the past (lest we not forget, Castilla was a 40 HR guy a few years ago here).

Charles Johnson, who was slightly less welcome on fantasy rosters last year than prostate cancer, says his swing is better. He was a slightly above average offensive producer from the catcher's spot only 2 years ago. If he can hit .280 and 15, there's no reason why this team can't score more than the 853 runs they pushed across last year. They'll need it with Estes on the hill.

Helton has bulked up about 20 pounds this season. He's looking to reverse his road hitting stats, which are between 20-40 percent less than his home stats. Again, I'm willing to buy into it. Helton puts up monster numbers year after year, and if his lineup is hitting well around him, there's no reason why he cannot .330-40-130 this year.

4. Anaheim Angels

Last Year OPS: .743 (T-19)
Big sticks: Vlad Guerrero, Garrett Anderson
Big questions: Tim Salmon, David Eckstein

Vlady, vlady, vlady. Is he the 40-40 guy, or the injury-prone sulker of last season? He's gonna have to produce to make me not regret putting this team ahead of those sluggers in Colorado. :)

Can David Eckstein get on base occasionally? Will Jose Guillen hit 30 homers again this year? Will Garrett Anderson swing at more first pitches than Nomar Garciaparra?

(Yes, Probably, Unfortunately not)

I'm willing to buy Troy Glaus stock. 20-13 vision appeals to me. Not just because I wear glasses. Erstad is a liability, but Adam Kennedy and Eckstein are bound to have better years than they did last year to compensate. And who doesn't like Glaus back for the year and Vlad?

(Nobody)

3. St. Louis Cardinals

Last Year OPS: .804 (3rd)
Big sticks: Albert Poo-holes, Scott Rolen
Big questions: Marlon Anderson, Reggie Sanders

Peeps be sleepin on DA CARDS, yo...

Honestly, did you have any inkling that the Cards finised 3rd in OPS and 5th for runs scored (2 more runs, and they'd be 4th)? I certainly missed the score.

After that pretty good showing, they dropped deadwood in Fernando Vina, J.D. Drew, and Tino Martinez. Okay, okay, those last 2 aren't dead wood, but sliding into Drew's injured spot is Reggie Sanders, and Tino is apparently gonna be replaced by some kid with a .356 average. Sanders has surprising pop; his lifetime slugging is .488. As the biggest pop in the Pirates lineup last year, he went .285-31-87, some of those coming after Brian Giles was gone and he was protected only by the worn Jason Kendall. In the midst of some pop, why not Sanders? He's getting old (36), but his best few seasons have been his last three.

Rolen gets a full year hitting with Pujols, Renteria, and Sanders. Jim Edmonds is getting older, but offensively seems to be getting better. So, I say again, why not Sanders? Sanders in 2001 helped lead Luis Gonzalez to that ridiculous 51 homer season. Think Pujols. S'all I'm saying.

2. New York Yankees

Last Year OPS: .810 (3rd)
Big sticks: Jason Giambi, Alex Rodriguez, Gary Sheffield
Big questions: Bernie Williams, Kenny Lofton

Uh, yeah. They can hit. Think of it this way: Hideki Matsui, who put up utterly average numbers last year came away with over 100 RBI. Reason being: the Yankees constantly have people on base. Their on-base percentage was 2nd in the league, and had the 3rd most RBI.

Giambi has lost some steroids down the toilet weight in the offseason to take the pressure off his aching knees. Alex Rodriguez is just reaching his prime (utterly ridiculous). Jeter, although overrated, is back to full health. Matsui has a year in America under his belt. Posada probably won't hit quite as well this year, but he's still a top-3 offensive catcher. And Enrique Wilson... he hits Pedro! Well! So three times a year he'll be popping!

Oh, and some dude named Gary joined the team. I have no idea if he's good (editor's note: his brain has shut down because he's so fucking afraid of this lineup)...

We'll move on.

1. Boston Red Sox

Last Year OPS: .851 (1st)
Big sticks: Nomar Garciaparra, Manny Ramirez
Big questions: Nomar, Manny

.289 average. Slugged .491. OBP of .360. #1 in hits, runs, RBI. 2nd in homers. This lineup mashed the hell out of the ball last season.

They added Pokey Reese, who is a sure .250-1-20-20, thus taking down all of those above categories, BUT, even without Todd Walker, I'm pretty sure that the Red Sox can continue to hit the ball. David Ortiz is built to hit at Fenway. He'll get more AB this season. I think he's got a shot at 35-40 homers, which would pick up the slack on Bill Mueller (who I don't think will be able keep up his hitting pace of last season). Trot Nixon might be the quietest .290-28-100-10 hitter in the league, and he's a dirty and grime sorta guy (I appreciate this).

Fact is, Boston's guys tended to have huge years last year. It won't happen for all of them this year. At the same time, Nomar's playing for a contract, and we know how that goes. If he doesn't go crazy, I'll be shocked. Of course, if he stopped swinging at the FIRST DAMN PITCH EVERY SINGLE $%&^ AT BAT HE MIGHT HIT .390 LIKE HE USED TO (editor's note: he's raving, pay no attention)

Sorry about that. Beside the whole first pitch thing, Nomar is a top-shelf hitter who wants to prove that he can be the second best SS in the game. Manny Ramirez... well. Someday, when we discover what world he inhabits, we'll send him a message to keep on slugging. But it's hard to complain about .320-40-120 every year.

Mueller, Millar, and Reese might not blow up this year, but between Nomar and Ortiz, they might not have to. Toss in the reliable Varitek, odd-looking Johnny Damon (have you seen his look? He looks like he enrolled in Backwoods Academy or something) and perhaps a few at-bats from Ellis Burks and his walker, they might just hit as much as last year.

Okay. We move on tomorrow... :)